a Fitness, Health and Wellness Blog


For the Gym Unlearned

gym-equipmentHow to act in the gym.

 #1 Don’t stare at a dieting bodybuilder who is stuck on the treadmill. He doesnt want to be there (he wants cake) and is n’t in the most friendly mood. Even though you may only be appreciating the body that he developed, he will probably still bare harsh intentions toward you!

 #2 Dont stare at the fitness bunny on the treadmill either. If she can’t kick your butt, her dieting boyfriend on the treadmill next to her probably can.

 #3 Dont talk to people in the middle of their set. Like so, ” Excuse me! Yes you with 400 pounds on your back, do you have many sets left? I’d like to do my crunches right there!

 #4 If you can do an exercise in a space that doesn’t require any gear, do it. Don’t do curls in the squat rack, leg raises on the bench press and don’t sit and talk on a bench when someone might need it.

 #5 Like the above, don’t stand two inches from the dumbbell rack to do your laterals, people need to get in and out of there to get at the weights.

 #6 Don’t use half of the cable crossover to do one arm triceps pushdowns and the like. The crossover machine is for chest and requires both halves. Use an independent single pulley somewhere else.

 #7 The weights have homes. They like their homes. When they don’t go home, they get angry and do mean things. All the little dumbbells go together and all the big ones go together. So no 15s up by the 120s. The little plates have homes also. See there was this one time during a personal training session where I grabbed a 45 off the leg press. What I didn’t see was that someone had put a 25 in front of it instead of on its own peg. Off came the 45 in my hands and down went the 25 on my foot. This is a great way to learn composure if your interested.

 #8 If a book or shirt is on a bench, someone is trying to save it because they are doing exercises back to back. These are called “super sets” and the guys that do them are usually super big. It sure is awkward to be sitting there picking your nose when bubba comes storming around the corner. It’s such an easy thing to wait a second to find out or to ask someone if they are done on the equipment.

 #9 While its o.k. to use a couple of machines if it’s not peak hours, dont monopolize the gear. You can’t reserve a treadmill for an hour while you run back and forth from the weights to the treadmill to do circuit training. Boy, this one really ticks people off.

 #10 Watch out for I.L.S. Invisible Lat Syndrome. This is where even though there is nothing under your shirt; it looks like your carrying around two beer kegs under each arm. People are laughing at you.

 #11 Wipe your sweat off of the gear; no more needs to be said. Actually yes it does, especially if Im going to be putting my face in there on the lying hamstring curl. Wipe it off!

 #12 Change your gym clothes and don’t put them on after they have been fermenting in your locker for a week. Strong in smell doesn’t count!

 #13 For the manly, there is a new invention called “deodorant”. It runs a close second to something called the “shower”. Check it out.

 #14 It is right and proper to ask someone for a spot on an exercise so you don’t hurt yourself. The only thing to keep in mind is that your requests don’t interfere with someone elses training pace or that you become a hindrance because your always using a weight that is too heavy for you.

Like wise, dont ask the personal trainer for a spot while he is in the middle of a session with someone else. At $50 an hour, your spot just cost someone $2.50.

 #15 Ladies: No more pink thongs over black spandex, please! Dont throw them away though because they may need extras if Miami Vice makes a come back.

Guys? Retire a shirt when it starts to walk on its own. Don’t blow “farmer snots” on the gym floor. Really.

 #16 For the guys, if your going to shave, comb your hair, brush your teeth or whatever in front of the mirror, keep your cloths on. As comfortable as you may be with yourself, we don’t need someone we don’t know selling hot dogs in the locker room.  Same goes the girls